Let the Children Come to Me (Part 4): Reconciliation
On a recent group call, one of the people mentioned that they heard God reveal the need to reconcile with their child. It struck a chord with me because I’ve heard that same message over and over again the last several years. In fact, I can think of at least 4–5 different times this has occurred recently! Clearly it seems that reconciliation is important to God, and it can make a huge improvement in our relationship with our children, prodigal or not.
If you’ve been through The Steps to Freedom, you know that it addresses, with God, what we have done and what has been done to us. The freedom gained by carefully listening to God and working through these things can be immense. In fact, many even feel something like a physical weight lift off of them as the issues resolve. At the end of the Steps to Freedom booklet, in appendix B, there is a very short section titled “Seeking the Forgiveness of Others.” Seeking forgiveness from others is the process of seeking to reconcile, to make right, and possibly even renew a broken relationship.
How does this come about? If we have children, we can rightly assume that we’ve wounded them intentionally and unintentionally in a variety of ways. Some are obvious to us; others are so long ago, or so much a part of the relationship, that they may be completely invisible. But God knows what’s going on. What He’s revealed it to us, we need to take care of. For offenses we no longer remember or are unaware of, we pray and ask God to reveal. As we listen for a response, we have to discern the difference between the voice of the devil and the voice of God. Remember, there can be multiple voices in your head. What is the difference?
The voice of the devil condemns us without being specific. It may condemn us for something that’s not even sinful. It tries to discourage us and draw us away from God and His goodness. On the other hand, the voice of God is very specific. When He speaks, He’ll give you clear information and the specific event, pattern, or sin that you already know is true, but have been denying or forgetting for a while. Here is an example: “Those shoes you stole from (the man’s name) in the eighth-grade locker room when no one else was there... I need you to contact him and make it right.” This immediately cut to the truth I had denied since the eighth-grade. There was no condemnation, just conviction.
When God reveals a truth like this regarding an incident between you and your children, seek to reconcile. As you reconcile with them, you are building the relational bridge upon which they can return to you and perhaps to the Father Himself. In other words, by seeking reconciliation, we remove a key stumbling block for our children.
A clear picture of how this might look is given in Appendix B of the Steps to Freedom booklet. Here is how it reads:
“...if you have offended another, you must go to them and ask for their forgiveness and make amends when appropriate. The following are steps to seeking forgiveness:
Be certain about what you did that was wrong and why it was wrong.
Make sure you have forgiven them for whatever they have done to you.
Think through exactly how you will ask them to forgive you.
Be sure to state that what you did was wrong.
Be specific and admit that you did it.
Don’t offer any excuses or try to defend yourself.
Place no blame on any others.
Don’t expect that they will ask you for your forgiveness or let that be the reason for what you are doing.
Your confession should lead to the direct question: ‘Will you forgive me?’
Seek the right place and the right time, but the sooner the better.
Ask for forgiveness in person face-to-face.
Unless there is no other option, do not write a letter. It can be misunderstood, and others may see it who are not involved, and it could be used against you in a court case or otherwise.”
Note that obtaining the other person’s forgiveness is not always possible. The other person may not be in a place where they are able to forgive. The essential element, then, is not being forgiven by them, but obeying God by going to the person and confessing your wrongdoing. That is how reconciliation can begin.
Like confession and forgiveness of others, reciliation is a gift from God to make our lives and relationships sweet and whole again. Lean into it when the opportunity presents itself, especially when dealing with a family member or a prodigal.