Forgiving From the Heart
If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
Psalm 130:3-4
If you have offended someone, don’t attempt to worship God when you are convicted to seek reconciliation (see Matthew 5:24). Go first to the person who has something against you, seek forgiveness, and be reconciled. If someone has offended you, don’t go to that person. Go first to God and forgive that person as Christ has forgiven you.
Many people wrongly think they have to go to the people who offended them in order to forgive them. That may be impossible and often is unadviseable. The person we need to forgive may be dead or unreachable. In some cases it would be unwise, because confronting an offender who is unrepentant may actually set a person up for more abuse.
Jesus says we should continue forgiving as many times as necessary (see Matthew 18:22) and then tells a parable to put our need to forgive others in perspective. “Ten thousand talents” was way beyond a lifetime wage (verse 24). Repaying the debt was not possible; therefore, the servant had no choice but to throw himself on his master’s mercy. In comparison, “100 denarii” was equal to three months’ wages (verse 28). His master had forgiven him an enormous debt, but the man showed no mercy to his fellow servant. God requires us to be merciful as He has been merciful and to forgive as He has forgiven us.
How do you forgive others from your heart? Start by asking the Lord to reveal to your mind the people you need to forgive, including all those you have negative feelings toward. Don’t overlook the need to let yourself off your own hook. Second, face the hurt and the feelings of hatred. If you are going to forgive from the heart, you have to allow the painful memories to surface. If you are unwilling to admit to the pain and the emotional damage, the forgiveness process will be incomplete. Humanly we try to suppress our emotional pain, but God will surface names and events so we can face them and let them go. To admit that you hate your parents, for instance, only means that you can now forgive them. Your feelings toward others will change after you forgive them. What is to be gained is your freedom.
Third, realize forgiveness is a crisis of the will. You choose to bear the consequences of the person’s sin. You choose to let go of the past and grab hold of God. You choose not to seek revenge. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving, because you will never get there. God is not asking you to like the person who offended you; He is asking you to forgive as you have been forgiven so He can set you free and heal your damaged emotions. Let Him be the avenger. Stop the pain by forgiving from your heart every person who has offended you for every offensive thing he or she did. You can do this by praying, “Lord, I forgive [person] for [verbally express every hurt and pain the Lord brings to your mind and how it made you feel].”
Fourth, after you have forgiven every person for every painful memory, finish by praying, “Lord, I release all these people to You, and I release my right to seek revenge. I choose not to hold on to my bitterness and anger, and I ask You to heal my damaged emotions. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”
a few questions to ponder:
How is it to our benefit to forgive others?
The writer of Hebrews warned us not to let a root of bitterness spring up whereby many people will be defiled (12:15). How does our bitterness not only affect us but others as well?
Why is it necessary to forgive from the heart?
How is the person who offended you still hurting you?
If you refuse to forgive another person, which one of you is most negatively affected by that decision? Why?
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.