Let the Children Come to Me (Part 2): Love Them
In relationships, especially with children, love is best modeled. Why? Because we have no idea what love really is unless we have seen it in action. So, as parents, one of the best things we can do is love our spouse and model this love. Love expressed visibly and relationally between spouses speaks volumes to our children.
When both parents aren’t present, it adds complexity to family life. Children will grieve the loss of a parent no matter how it occurs. If the children experience joint custody, they will feel even less stable. But God says that He is a father to those who have lost one:
“Father to the fatherless and protector of the widows is God in his holy habitation.” Psalm 68:5
God can fill in for the absent father (I know a faithful mother whose child is experiencing the fulfillment of this promise)! Oddly, God also describes Himself with characteristics of a mother. So, He can fill in the maternal needs of children as well. Why might this surprise us? God speaks of Zion, His people, this way:
“’Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...’” Isaiah 49:15-16a
If we as believers in Christ find ourselves alone as a parent, we must lean hard into the Lord and His promises. The hurt and pain doesn’t have to define us; we can heal and move into God’s loving, ever-present embrace.
Let’s now focus on love expressed as mercy and grace. Expressing mercy and grace to a child is so, so helpful. Recall that mercy is not getting what we deserve, and grace is getting what we do not deserve. Let me tell some car stories that might help explain this.
My parents gave me a Saab 99e when I graduated from college. After driving to my parents in British Columbia for Christmas, my brother, sister-in-law and I set off to return to Iowa...with the car covered in snow. My brother told me to clean off the snow, but I thought it would blow off soon enough, so I resisted. We made it about five miles before I took a left turn on a yellow light with a heavy car—laden with snow—that had no acceleration and was hit broadside by a pickup truck. I got a ticket, but arguably I deserved worse than that. We all walked away from the car with only scratches, and my pre-born nephew survived intact. It was mercy, no doubt.
What is grace? One night I was headed from Iowa to my parents’ house, after they moved to Wisconsin. Coming up over a rise on a snowy evening, my car stopped dead in its tracks. Without a cell phone or way to contact anyone, I walked up to the local farmhouse. They invited me in, served me tea, and let me use their phone to call my parents. My father drove the 2+ hours down to get me and took me home, arriving at about 2:30 AM. When we went back for the car, the farmer had pulled the car off the road and parked it in his yard. I didn’t deserve any of this. It was all grace.
As it turns out, love expressed as mercy and grace are very powerful change agents. I have never forgotten the mercy and grace shown to me in these two automobile events.
This is how we are called to love our children, even if they are prodigals. Perhaps, especially if they are prodigals. Mercy and grace have a powerful impact, especially in the lives of those who don’t witness them in their everyday life.
Here is how the Apostle Paul describes the power of grace to Titus.
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ...” Titus 2:11-13
According to Paul, what might keep us bound? Perhaps we haven’t really embraced what grace is. Perhaps we haven’t mentally, emotionally, and spiritually embraced the grace God has given. Perhaps we are still blind to His kindness, forbearance, and patience that are our pathways to repentance.
Although I was thankful to the farmer and my father who rescued me in the middle of the night, at the time, I didn’t really understand what had motivated them or why. Looking back, I have a much greater appreciation. These men showed me the grace of God, which over time has allowed me to see God’s own grace, and more fully produced repentance in me.
This is the grace we can lavish on our children no matter what they have done, no matter where they are. It is a powerful motivator toward godliness and more, as they start to understand it. But even if they don’t understand, it is what God calls us to be and do for them.
Love expressed as mercy and grace is one of the best ways we can build relational bridges with our children, or anyone for that matter. Strong relationships are where love, grace, and truth can be expressed, which accelerates the opportunity for life change in those we love.