Basic Needs of a Christian
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7
Ultimately we are accountable to God, but to ensure proper care and discipline in our churches and homes, we also need to be accountable to one another. As you think about how this can happen in your situation, consider the following words: (1) “authority,” (2) “accountability,” (3) “affirmation” and (4) “acceptance.” Now ask yourself, From which end of the list does God come to me? He certainly had the authority. Your answer to that question will reveal what kind of a parent you are and how you do ministry.
Scripture leaves little room for doubt as to the answer. God first came to us with acceptance through Jesus Christ: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Then came the affirmation: “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (8:16). Those who are accepted and affirmed will voluntarily be accountable to authority figures, but if authority figures demand accountability without acceptance and affirmation, they will never get full disclosure.
Jesus never said, “Listen, people, shape up because I am God.” Jesus had no human or earthly position of authority, and yet “the crowds were amazed at his teaching, because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law” (Matthew 7:28-29). People recognized Jesus’ authority because it was based on His character. Jesus dined with sinners so they knew they were accepted, even when their own religious leaders had rejected them. The Gospels reveal that sinners loved to be around Jesus and that He waged war against hypocritical religious leaders. Sinners who desperately need Jesus often stay away from churches because of what they perceive to be religious hypocrisy on the part of churched believers.
Jesus’ followers also related to others in a spirit of love and acceptance. In 1 Thessalonians 2:6-8, Paul speaks of his manner toward the believers: “As apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority. Instead, we were like young children among you. Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”
Acceptance and affirmation are two of the most basic needs we all have. We only need to observe little children to know this—they unashamedly ask for both. “Did I do good, Mommy?” “Do you like the picture I drew?” We don’t grow out of those needs, but all too often we stop extending acceptance and affirmation to adults and to our children as they grow older.
Consider the dialogue between an authoritarian parent and a tardy child. “Where were you?” the parent asks. “Out!” says the child. “What were you doing?” demands the parent. “Nothing!” exclaims the child.
Does that sound familiar? It is all too common in our homes, churches and schools. Overbearing authoritarianism repels intimate disclosure. True accountability cannot be demanded; it is voluntarily given. We can force some external accountability through threats and intimidation, but people will not intimately disclose to authority figures unless they know they are loved, accepted and affirmed. As Christian leaders and parents, we may not always be able to control those under our authority, but we can always love them.
Questions to Consider:
How much can be gained when authority figures demand accountability from others without first giving them acceptance and affirmation?
How did people recognize the authority by which Jesus spoke?
In 1 Thessalonians 2:6-8, how did Paul say he treated the believers in that church? How does he instruct us to treat those over whom we have authority?
What do you require of others before you feel it is safe to share yourself?
What should you do if you realize that you have been asking for accountability from others but now realize your demeanor is the reason it wasn’t forthcoming?
This content is taken directly from Dr. Neil T. Anderson’s book, Your New Identity.
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.