The Importance of Community
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Colossians 3:12-13
The sanctifying process is primarily worked out in our lives through committed relationships. There are two reasons for this. First, people can put on a public face and give others a false perception of who they are, but they can’t consistently do that at home. Their spouses and children will see right through them.
Second, marriage and family relationships (and, in Paul’s letter, the slave-master relationship) were considered lifetime commitments. Rather than run away from the pressures of living together, we are supposed to stay committed the relationship and grow up. Where better to learn to love one another, accept one another, forgive one another and bear with one another than in the crucible of committed relationships? Notice that in Titus 2, Paul begins with an appeal for sound doctrine and ends with appeal to godliness (see verses 1,12-14). Within that context, he discusses the family and social relationships, just as he does in Ephesians and Colossians.
It is critically important to distinguish between who we are in Christ and our role responsibilities in life. When Paul led Onesimus, a runaway slave, to Christ, he sent him back to his earthly master. Paul appealed to Philemon to receive Onesimus as a brother in Christ (see verses 10-11). During the time of Christ, a slave was more like a lifetime employee, and he or she often lived better than the self-employed (who were quite poor). In the case of Onesimus, being a slave was his social role; but he was first and foremost a child of God. This distinction can be clearly seen in Colossians 3:11,22. In verse 11, Paul says in Christ there is neither slave or free, and then in verse 22 he talks about the role responsibility of slaves.
The same truth holds for husbands and wives. Husbands are to respect their wives as heirs with them of the gracious gift of life (see 1 Peter 3:7). In other words, Christian wives are children of God and equal in status with their Christian husbands. However, they don’t have the same calling in life. In Titus 2, Paul gives specific instructions for older men, older women, younger women, young men and slaves. He concludes by admonishing all to live godly lives.
In a general sense, Paul’s epistles are divided into halves. The first half of each epistle is often considered theological, while the second half is considered practical. The tendency is to skip the first half and look to the second half for practical instruction on daily living. The result is a subtle form of Christian behaviorism: “You shouldn’t do that; you should do this. That isn’t the best way to do it; here is a better way.”
Committed Christians will try the best they can to follow these rules, but they will often fail or burn out trying. Why doesn’t it work for them, even though the behavioral objective is biblical? Because they have not first been established in Christ. If we can get believers to fully embrace the first half of Paul’s epistles, they will be firmly rooted in Christ, and then they will be able to supernaturally live according to the second half. The goal is not to act like Christians, but to be children of God who live out their calling in life.
a few questions to ponder:
Why does God work primarily through committed relationships to forge our character?
What will happen if we keep running away from committed relationships? Do you think God gives up on us, or does He keep the pressure on us until we finally learn to love one another?
“There is neither . . . male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Why is it important to draw the distinction between who we are in Christ and our roles or calling in life (husbands and wives)?
How should you perceive those with whom you live and work? How does that confront your character and living conditions?
What relationship do you have now (or have had) that you would like to avoid or run away from that is pressuring you to deal with some unresolved issues in your own life? What is keeping you from doing the right thing?
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.