Rejoice With Others and Weep With Others

I’ll never forget my brother-in-law’s wedding. It was a wonderful, God-honoring wedding in every way, but Jen and I were struggling. The previous two weeks, we’d traveled halfway across the country to another wedding then led a youth retreat. To top it off, we had just learned that my grandmother died, so we needed to leave right from the wedding and make the 10-hour drive for her funeral the next day. We were exhausted and grieving.

I remember Jen hugging our new sister-in-law, Carrie, after the ceremony when emotions were heightened. Jen was crying and said, “This is the worst day of my life!” Thankfully, Carrie was (and is!) mature and kind and understood what we were going through, so she responded with love and grace. She knew we rejoiced to welcome her into the family; we just had difficulty expressing it at that moment because of all the other things happening at the time.

At a very different event years later, it was obvious to me who had experienced grief like we were experiencing. My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly, and we were heartbroken. After her funeral, I greeted many friends who had come to weep and mourn with us. I remember those who connected so well, even without words. I could tell they had experienced a deep grief and could truly feel our pain. It was our worst week ever, but having people mourn with us was comforting.

In Romans 12, the Apostle Paul says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Sometimes, we live this out better than other times. It was understandable that Jen and I were emotional and sad at a wedding even though the situation called for rejoicing (and we did laugh and rejoice at other points throughout the day!). We are grateful for a loving and understanding family who allowed us to be real and handled our pain well in the midst of their joy.  Then, when it was time to mourn the death of my mom, we were grateful for those who wept with us.

When Paul wrote this phrase, it was in the context of a few other brief directives on how we should live as believers. The larger context is that we are to offer ourselves to God and grow in Christ by being transformed by renewing our minds. This helps us know and do God’s will (Romans 12:1-2). Then, Paul reminds us that we are to have humble attitudes because we are all part of His body, the Church (Rom. 12:3-8). 

In verse 9, Paul specifically says that our love must be sincere or genuine. He literally says that we are to love without being hypocritical, meaning ‘play-acting.’ He then lists several ways that genuine love will look toward believers and toward unbelievers. Here are a few of them:

“Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.  Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” Romans 12:13-21 ESV.

One way we show that our love is genuine is to respond in a loving, compassionate way no matter what the other person does. Carrie exemplified that in her response to Jen. After all, it was her wedding day, and Jen’s sadness and statement could have been taken the wrong way. But she responded with grace and understanding.

I can’t help but think of Jesus’s example. His first miracle was performed at a wedding where he was undoubtedly rejoicing with friends and family (John 2).  Then, a few years later, toward the end of his ministry, his close friend Lazarus died (John 11). Both of Lazarus’s sisters, Mary and Martha, came to Jesus and expressed their grief and pain about their brother’s death. It’s here that we get the well-known verse “Jesus wept.” Jesus, our Lord and Savior, modeled for us what it means to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Jesus's first act was to connect with them emotionally; he didn’t immediately “fix” the situation.

Dear Saints, would you describe your love towards others as genuine? How are you doing “rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep?” Is it hard for you to enter into their pain or their celebration? The good news is that if you find yourself ‘play-acting’ at love, you can choose to see that as a growth opportunity. Allow that realization to cause you to press into Jesus and ask Him to give you His love in your heart toward other people.

But even if you realize you are struggling to connect with others where they are at, that won’t make it “the worst day of your life” as my wife famously said :)