Overcoming Rejection
You come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him.
1 Peter 2:4
We all know what it feels like to be unduly criticized and rejected, especially when it comes from people we want to please. None of us can be the best at everything, and sometimes we fail to live up to other people’s expectations. Paul and Barnabas wanted to embark on a second missionary journey, but they had a sharp disagreement over Mark, who had deserted Paul earlier. Paul’s refusal to bring Mark resulted in a split between him and Barnabas. Ultimately, Paul rejected Mark (see Acts 15:36-40).
We have been born and raised in a worldly system that chooses favorites and rejects others. From an early age, we strive to please significant others to gain their approval. But this fallen world is a dog-eat-dog, survival-of-the-fittest system.
In their natural state, people choose to adapt to this world system in one of three ways. First, some try to beat the system. They try to earn their acceptance and strive for significance through their appearance, performance and social status. They feel driven to get to the top because they falsely believe that winning is their passport to acceptance, security and significance. They are characterized by perfectionism and emotional insulation, which usually leads to anxiety, stress and burnout. They are prone to manipulating people and circumstances for their own end, so it is difficult for them to yield control of their lives to God. Eventually their abilities diminish—and younger, stronger and more capable controllers replace them.
Second, some give in to the system and embrace its warped standards. The strongest, prettiest and most talented are “in,” while they are “out” because they don’t measure up in those categories. By giving in to this worldly system, these people succumb to society’s false judgment of their worth. They often find it difficult to accept themselves, because others haven’t. Some have trouble relating to God because they blame Him for making them deficient in the eyes of the world.
Third, some rebel against the system. They respond to rejection by saying, “I don’t need you, and I don’t want your love!” They need love and acceptance like everyone else, but they refuse to acknowledge it. They often underscore their defiance and rebellion by dressing and behaving in ways that are objectionable to the general population. Rebels are marked by self-hatred and bitterness. They are irresponsible and undisciplined. They think that God and “religious” people are trying to squeeze them into a socially acceptable mold.
All three responses eventually lead to defeat. The kingdom of God is totally different. Nobody wins in the world’s system, but we all win in the kingdom of God. We are not in competition with one another. Paul says, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12). We are loved and accepted unconditionally by God. Each of us is an essential part of the Body of Christ. Helping another person succeed enhances our success. The more we build one another up, the more we build ourselves up.
Mark must have discovered this wonderful truth, because eventually he and Paul reconciled. While doing time in a Roman prison, Paul wrote in his last epistle, “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11).
a few questions to ponder:
What characterizes those who attempt to adapt to the system of this fallen world by trying to earn acceptance through their looks, performance or social status?
What characterizes those who simply give in to the world’s system and embrace its warped standards?
What characterizes those who rebel against the world’s system? What do they refuse to acknowledge and embrace?
Which of these three worldly approaches do you tend to take? How has that changed since you became a Christian?
How can you, as a Christian, respond to those who reject you and your beliefs?
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.