Why should you feel like a failure?
Before experiencing my own freedom in Christ, I was a perfectionist.
I desperately tried to be perfect at everything I did in an effort to mask my insecurities and shame. This desire for control spilled over into all areas of my life—school, work, ministry, friendships, and my appearance.
Deep down, I was scared to fail, scared to make a mistake. My fragile sense of identity was held together by my accomplishments and appearance.
Failure haunted me.
I remember one instance in particular, a few months before I learned about my freedom and identity in Christ.
I had just arrived in Thailand, where I would spend 2 years teaching missionary kids. The first year I taught Kindergarten for most of the day, and then Pre-Algebra to a few 7th graders in the afternoon. I wasn’t too stoked about this since math was my least favorite (and worst) subject as a student.
One afternoon I was teaching a brand-new math concept. Not long into the lesson, one of my students—who was quite gifted in math—asked a question about the new concept. I froze. I had absolutely no clue. As we read the textbook together, I got more and more confused. But it clicked to my math whiz student, and he started trying to explain it to the rest of us.
I felt mortified. As tears started to fill my eyes, I quickly excused myself “to go to the bathroom.” In the bathroom, I let out a few tears and desperately tried to calm myself down. But it was in vain. That afternoon I went home feeling like an utter failure. Here I was, the teacher, and I didn’t even understand the math concept I was supposed to be teaching! To make it even worse, my student understood the concept before I did. What a failure.
I heaped on the self-condemnation.
Over the years, this self-condemnation unconsciously shifted to a belief that God was condemning me too. All my life I had been told that I was a wretched sinner, so I mistakenly came to believe that beating myself up was almost a “holy” thing to do. Since I condemned myself when I made a mistake, God must also.
But is this true? Does God criticize, judge or condemn us when we sin or make a mistake—when we feel like failures?
Romans 8 clearly answers this question. “If God is for us, who can ever be against us? …Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for His own? No one—for God Himself has given us right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us” (Romans 8:31, 33-34 NLT).
In these verses, Paul states that for those of us who are in Christ Jesus, no one can condemn us because GOD has chosen us and made us righteous. Our condemnation, punishment, and the judgement we deserve was permanently placed on Jesus. He took all of it. There is none left.
This means that God does not condemn you when you make a mistake (big or small) and the voice inside your head screams at you that you are a failure. While God does discipline us and allow us to suffer the natural consequences of our sin, He does not penalize us for our sin. “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Proverbs 3:12), and “He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness” (Hebrews 12:10).
There is a clear difference between punishment and discipline: one leads to death; the other leads to life.
Going through The Steps to Freedom in Christ and learning about my identity in Christ started me on a journey of transformation. As I renounced lies and declared truth every day for months, the reality of my birthright in Christ took root in my heart. For the first time, I experienced freedom from the condemning voice in my head telling me I was a failure, inadequate and not enough.
Today, I no longer identify as a “perfectionist.” I’m still committed to working hard and doing my best—my God-given personality hasn’t totally changed—but I am no longer devasted by failure. I am not a slave to unrealistic high expectations or critical self-evaluations. I am free.
Fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, God does not condemn you when you sin. As strong as your feelings of failure may be or as loud as the condemning voice in your head may be, the truth is that God is not punishing you; you are already righteous! Even if you must endure God’s discipline for a season, He does it because you are His precious child whom He loves.
Like the woman who was caught in adultery, Jesus says to you: “Where are they? Has no one condemned you? …Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on, sin no more.” (John 8:10-11).
Every time you stumble or fall, repent, embrace His forgiveness, and then walk in the truth of who you are in Christ. Renounce the lies and declare the truth as often as you need until you believe it. A good place to start is going through The Steps to Freedom in Christ and then developing a Stronghold-Buster (see the article below for tips on how to create one).
“We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). Go forth in that assurance!