The Believer’s Responsibility: Walk by the Spirit
Jen and I have learned to fight well over 30 years of marriage.
We don’t attack each other’s character or make global accusations. We actively listen and ask good questions. And we express understanding and care before trying to communicate our own point.
But there was one moment where all that almost flew out the window.
I arrived home from work with bad news. Our pastoral staff made a decision about whether a particular woman was allowed to attend our church. We had never had to tell someone they weren’t allowed to step foot on the property, but she was known to cause trouble. And she’d often bring a dangerous man along with her.
That day my superiors decided to allow the woman to attend. When I arrived home and told Jen, things got intense really quickly.
Immediately, Jen said, “Well then, I cannot go back to church. Because I would have to put our children in Sunday school where they would be at risk for being abused.”
Thoughts flew through my mind. “How can I continue to be the Pastor of Youth and Family Ministries if my wife and kids don’t attend? What about the pre-marriage class we are teaching together?”
Jen’s emotions were high, and mine joined hers at that level very quickly!
Now, we didn’t yell at each other. In fact, the kids were around the corner and probably didn’t even know we were ‘fighting.’
But I felt like I had failed her, and it took everything in me not to run away from the moment. All I wanted to do was get in the car and drive… where didn’t matter as long as it was away from my failure. But I knew that would hurt Jen further, so I started praying internally as I listened to her. My prayers went something like this:
‘Dear Jesus, help me not run away.’
‘Dear Jesus, help me ask good questions.’
‘Dear Jesus, help me not run away.’
‘Dear Jesus, help me listen well so that I can understand her fears and concerns.’
‘Dear Jesus, help me not run away.’
‘Dear Jesus, help me care for Jen in this moment and not care more about how I look to others.’
You know what? Within about ten minutes, the Lord answered and helped us come to an understanding. We were even able to begin to consider solutions.
Everything self-protective in me (my flesh) wanted to run away from the intensity of emotion directed at me (if you couldn’t tell by my prayers). But thankfully, Jen and I had learned some of the finer points of communication. More than that, we had learned not to rely on our own resources, but to look to the Lord for His strength and wisdom available to us by His indwelling Holy Spirit.
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other…. the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:16-23, ESV)
Note a few very important aspects of what it means to walk in the Spirit.
First, it does not say, ‘Try hard to behave so you can then be filled with the Spirit.’ No. The Lord said, “Walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the flesh.” Every believer in Christ is sealed by the Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 1:13). Walking by the Spirit (in part) means to remember that the Spirit lives within us, so we can step out in faith, trusting that the Lord will enable you to treat others with love, joy, peace, patience, etc.
Second, you can use your words, attitudes, and actions to diagnose whether you are walking by the Spirit or in the flesh. If your life includes “sexual immorality, impurity… enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness… and things like these” (Galatians 5:19-21), then you can be sure you are not walking in the Spirit.
Finally, if I had run away, I would not have been loving Jen or walking in the Spirit. Rather than bringing joy and peace back into our relationship, defending myself by running away would have strained it more. We have to consider not only our present moment, but what we desire as the outcome. As Romans 8:6 says, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
Dear Saints, what areas in your life are you tempted to rely on your flesh instead of walking by the Spirit? In those moments, what practices can help you intentionally set your mind on the Spirit instead of the flesh?
No matter what the situation, we do well to remember that “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.” (Romans 8:11).
What outcome do you want in your life and relationships—life or death? Relying on the Spirit allows you to experience the life of Christ at work in you and your relationships. It’s far better than resorting to the flesh.
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.