The Believer’s Responsibility: Forgive as God Has Forgiven You
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of forgiving others.
I felt betrayed by an older man who had been a friend, mentor, and prayer partner of mine for years. He was a big giver and a Trustee at the church where I grew up and now served as youth pastor. During that time, he also became our landlord.
When he raised our rent by 40% after voting as a Trustee not to give me a raise for the coming year—even though the church had just raised a couple hundred thousand dollars to pay down the building loan—I was hurt. Then, he followed through on a threat he had been making for a year. Unbeknownst to me, he had been telling my parents that if my dad didn’t vote with him on Board issues, he would sell the house out from under us.
Three weeks after we had our second child and almost lost Jen to a systemic infection, we found out that the man had a temper tantrum in a Board meeting and announced that he was leaving the church but would remain in his position as a Trustee. Not only that, but he told my parents they had three days to decide if they wanted to buy the house we were living in. On the fourth day, the “For Sale” sign was going on the lawn!
When I handed the man my 60-day notice that Saturday, I said, “I thought this would have gone differently based on the friendship we have.”
He cut me off as he said, “You mean had.” Ouch.
In the following months, I struggled with anger and depression as I wrestled through my final year of commitment to the ministry. We planned to move to a different city 225 miles away, but I loved the kids in my youth ministry and needed to support my family. So, I stayed where I’d experienced so much betrayal and hurt.
A few months later, the Lord convinced me that I had to forgive this man. Once I forgave him, my heart began to heal, and my joy started to return.
Obeying the Lord by forgiving this man set me free from my anger and resentment.
Throughout the Scripture, we are instructed to forgive those who have hurt us—not for their sake, but for ours. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Be angry and do not sin… and give no opportunity to the devil… Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26-32, ESV)
Jesus told us that if we don’t forgive, then we are the ones who suffer spiritual torment (see Matthew 18:21-35).
Even though I had forgiven, I didn’t want to put myself back in a situation where I could be hurt like that again… and rightly so. But my way of protecting myself was different than God’s plan.
When we moved as planned, I told the Lord I never wanted to be in ministry again and just wanted a normal job. We didn’t want anyone to know I had ever been a pastor.
But the Lord turned our plans upside down and showed us very specifically that he wanted me to be in ministry.
More than twenty years later, I am so glad that the Lord ignored my dictates about what I wanted. He graciously put me back in ministry and has continued to teach me many lessons along the way.
Reflecting on these two decades in ministry, I realize that none of it would have been possible if I had not been obedient to forgive. The negative emotions would have continued to multiply, distrust in people would have ruled my relationships, and I wouldn’t have been as fruitful.
Dear Saints, Jesus commands us to forgive. And this means the big offenses and the smaller, more regular issues we deal with in family and church life. Jesus would never command us to do something that He won’t enable us to do, or that is dependent upon someone else’s cooperation. Don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Reconciliation requires the cooperation of the other party, which is completely out of our control.
Forgiveness frees us from the “root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15) that weighs us down and prevents us from serving the Lord freely. Forgiveness also keeps us from having an attitude that grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30).
We can learn difficult but important lessons through situations that are painful and require us to forgive. Learn those lessons, forgive, and follow the Lord in the freedom of forgiveness.
I am thankful the Lord helped me obey in this way. You’ll be glad when you forgive too.
Neil T. Anderson is the founder of Freedom in Christ Ministries. He began the ministry in 1989 and continues to spread the message of freedom to this day.