Love Your Neighbor—As Yourself?
Once in a men’s small group, we were discussing loving others. One of the men pointed out the importance of loving ourselves so that we could love others. To be honest, this has always hit me a bit backwards… so I dug in a little.
The Old Testament verse that mentions loving your neighbor as yourself is Leviticus 19:18. I found all the verses in the New Testament which quote this Leviticus verse: Matthew 19:19; Mark 12:31; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; and James 2:8. There is also some further exposition in Ephesians 5:28-29. The Old Testament language uses the Hebrew term “ahab” which primarily refers to human love for someone. In the New Testament, however, all quotes of Leviticus 19:18 use the Greek translation of God’s love which is “agapeo” (noun form = agape). Since it always indicates God’s love, it is obvious that the New Testament writers had the same mindset.
There are actually nine different words for love in Greek, if we include modern Greek as well. But we really only find four commonly used Greek words for love:
Eros which indicates sexual love
Philia which indicates brotherly love
Storge which is love in family, including the family of believers
Agape which indicates God’s love
In English, we generally just use “love” to apply to all the things we care about such as the beach, my dog, a good meal, my bed, my spouse, and God. Using only one word for all these different types of love certainly clouds our understanding. Here is what I mean. In the context of our discussion, we need to know what God means by loving (agape) our neighbor as ourself. Loving ourself is a key part of that; how we love ourself will impact how we love others. So, what do we mean by loving ourselves? Here is where the discussion found in Ephesian 5:25 & 28-29 is helpful. It says:
“Husbands love (agape used throughout) your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church...”
We love ourselves (our flesh) by serving our flesh. We love and serve our flesh like Christ loved and served the church. And, we love and serve our wives as Christ did the Church. Service is an indicator of real love.
The description of self-love, then, is not self-focused as narcissism would be. We naturally love and care for our bodies. What is not natural is to love and care for others in the same way we do ourselves.
Now, don’t get lost here. The idea is actually very simple. God doesn’t want to teach us to love ourselves because we already do that. Rather, He is instructing us to shift our focus outward—to love our wife, love our neighbor, and love God. And so, we find we have arrived at the greatest command in total:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
The issue that remains is, “How can I love as God loves?” We cannot. But God, whose Spirit lives in us and works through us, can. This is what Paul reminds us in Romans 5:5:
“...and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
The Apostle John says the same thing:
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8.
When you emotionally feel like you simply can’t love someone, remember that God’s love in you really isn’t about how you feel. It is about how you decide to act toward others.